Yell No More

Do you know that yelling at your kid is not the key to getting his attention? Actually,what only registers in his mind is that you’re mad at him for something he’s done, and then he tunes out. That’s it. More attention is given to fiddling with his Ipod rather than on your red, angry face.

Too often when there’s conflict between parents and children, anger often escalates to yelling in a desperate attempt to get the child’s attention. But as a clinical psychologist once mentioned, “The more you yell, the less they hear.”

It’s okay to vent out your anger, but it should be a “controlled anger.” You are annoyed but rational, and if directed appropriately will most likely get through the child — like, to stop him from running across the street. But when anger becomes furious or frantic, it can be hurtful. We no longer think. We react. You’d most likely say, “You always…” or “You never should…” rather than focusing on the issue. I am guilty of this as my seven year old son once streaked off to the street, almost getting himself run over. I was furious and scared at the same time, and yelled at him in front of a throng of strangers.

Yelling at your children may cause a change in their temperament. If they are already on the sensitive side, this would make them even more anxious. This would then lead to depression and even withdrawal. Other children try to cope by learning by example — overexpressing anger with their siblings and friends and by going on the defensive if attacked.

So what should you do if you feel like you are about to lose your temper? According to psychologists, the best thing to do would be to rate your anger from 0 to 10. If the rating is between 1 to 3, simply let the anger go. But if the anger is around 7, 8, 9 or 10, the best thing to do would be to resolve the conflict til you calm down.